June 2008

Poor Thing, Hoong Pai Kena Bo Chap!

“Minister Mentor: Good reason for GIC (Government of Singapore Investment Corp) not to be ‘too transparent’” – that was a headline in The Straits Times on May 1, 08. “It has to avoid populist pressures as well as prevent others from anticipating its move” – the report added. The father of all reasons has spoken. (Just in case you missed it, dearie!) Eh, actually… I have only one worry concerning the above report. Does it mean, in corollary, that ‘populist pressures’ is pretty much in the hands of the authorities? Just asking.

On May 9, Chua Mui Hoong wrote an ST editorial column, which the paper highlighted thus: “Why are Singaporeans so kiasu (afraid to lose), kiasi (afraid to die) & kiam-siap (tight-fisted)? You know what,? When I asked around, looking for a response for her question, all my friends’ couldn’t give a damn, proving that – Singaporeans are really bo-chap (not bothered) over and above all her ‘proscribed’ adjectives.

Oh dear, maybe people like Chua have asked such questions too many times before to still raise alarm about Singaporeans’ apathy and selfishness. Could it be another shut-the-masses-up tactic, or even a real desire to improve attitudes? I asked my friends to confirm. They told me to fuck off. That’s final proof of bo-chap – couldn’t be plainer!

“Brain drain affects political renewal here” – our PM announced in the ST on Apr 7. How unbelievable that no one bothers to ask why the brain drain! Not that we don’t know the (kind of evasive) answer we’d get in the official press, if someone really asked. It wouldn’t be fallacious, of course. Like I’ve always said, never corrupt, just truth halved! Does brain drain say nothing about life and its vulgar plasticity and materialistic artificiality in Singapore? (one expat-poet’s words). No worries, nothing speaks for itself here, especially since the ST speaks for all and mutes the rest!

“Making Singapore a ‘brain gain’ city” was the headline of an editorial in the ST (on May 18) written by Deputy Editor Warren Fernandez about why “Singapore, to stay ahead globally, like many other countries, is trying to attract talent. But efforts will be hampered if locals don’t welcome them,” he added.

Well, this local here certainly believes in attracting foreigners. Can you imagine a Singapore with no foreigners for me? It’d be unbearable, unlivable and intolerable. I’d ship myself right out with or without the means, even if I have to swim across the South China Sea. I’m totally not exaggerating. Just to have you know I’m dead serious – here’s a little important confession – I haven’t touched or slept with a Singaporean for over 10 years now, and I intend to keep it that way. So Mr. Fernandez, do consider recruiting me for your foreign-workers association to foster goodwill (with a pay comparable to those in your office, of course! No money, no honey, remember?)

Actually, there are thousands out there who think and feel like I do. Just comb through Geylang and Jalan Besar for a peek-preview. Just that they’re too bochap to tell you about it. Besides, unlike me who’s so proudly seedy, they’re probably too meek to tell you anyway. Go right ahead and stare me down, you’ll soooo make my day, you mere-mortal, you!
On that same day in May was another report in the ST stating “Driving while on the phone is illegal…But what about eating, shaving, kissing?” (It went on to list eight things Singaporeans do while driving.) Aiyoh, what a question! Please lah, that’s way too chim (complex) a question to ask Singaporeans (why do you think we need ‘brain gain’ in our country?). That’s like the other time when someone wrote to the ST asking if it was wrong for someone to use his or her handphone-camera to take pictures of couples smooching in public. It is common sense? Not to Singaporeans, it ain’t! Wait, that question about driving was merely rhetorical? Poor Singaporeans then, like they’d even know rhetorical to begin with! Just as they wouldn’t know how to put two-&-two together to ask why the brain-drain.

However, with the empowering Internet, the ST now has to resort to asking transparently nervous questions like this: “It’s easy enough to get caught up in those Internet rants, but does it serve any real purpose?” (May 1). Ooh, the power of the Net turning revenge-fantasies into persuasive expose is reason enough for the ST to shiver with mildly disguised dissuasion. Hence, on May 3, another follow-up dissuasion from the ST to “turn off the gadgets (like laptops, etc.) and get in touch with life today”. Yeah, you turn off the Net and the butt-carrying eunuchs will continue to scour it for desperate repair work for Big Brother. Uniquely laughable!

On May 27, the ST headline was “Detention centre superintendent gets the sack” after much probing into the detainee Mas Selamat’s escape. (“Altogether, nine officers and guards are penalized for security lapses.”) Sack? I thought changing guards won’t solve the problem! (See last month’s X’Ho-Files). Think I’m talking out of turn?

The next day, Dr. Catherine Lim’s letter to the ST: “So, the Government has sought closure to the Mas Selamat saga by handing out an assortment of punishments to the nine, mainly low-ranking, officers and guards whose security lapses had led to the escape of the terrorist. I wish to express deep disappointment, shock and pain that in a national scandal of unprecedented magnitude and public outrage, it is only the little people who are held accountable and punished.”

Well, look who’s kiam-siap at sacking! -- X’ Ho